Holly’s Top 7 Prophecies for 2007

January 18, 2007

Since the “prophets” in the apostolic-prophetic movement have been releasing their predictions for the new year, I thought I’d share mine before January’s over.

But, first, remember that none of these predictions has to happen this year, or next year, or the year after — or ever — to qualify as true prophecies. Many factors that could hinder their occurrence include — but are not limited to — the following: prayer, fasting, maybe I misheard what God said, maybe you misheard what I said, maybe you misheard what I misheard God said, maybe God wasn’t clear with what He said, maybe God changed his mind, maybe enough seed offerings didn’t come in, maybe you didn’t really believe the prophecies, maybe I didn’t really believe them, maybe demonic spirits intercepted them mid-air, and maybe the prophecies really did happen but you didn’t see them — and, for that matter, nobody did — because their fulfillments had to be seen with “spiritual” eyes.

Keeping those in mind, here are my top seven prophecies for 2007 (Note, seven is a prophetically significant number. That’s because 2007 is the year of sevens … the year of the seven-fold portion. Everything you send me — in cash or Starbucks coffee cards — will be returned to you seven-fold.*)

The Top 7

1. Many “prophets” will arise and give vague, abstract, nebulous prophecies that could mean anything and be interpreted anyway.

2. Many of these “prophets” will explain away their failed prophecies with ludicrous explanations that will be accepted by many of their followers.

3. “Prophets” will “predict” the past with retroactive prophecies.

4. “Prophets” will prophesy a “transference of wealth” — to themselves.

5. Surprising changes will occur: people will move, switch jobs, politics will shift — oops, Patricia King already covered this one (see last post).

6. Many “prophets” will claim to be attacked by demonically motivated Christians who — for some unknown, but diabolical reason — oppose the “prophets’” heresies, scams in the name of God, and false prophecies. The “prophets” will accuse these Christians of being “Pharisees,” “Jezebels” and having a “religious spirit” (a tactic to silence criticism).

7. As a sign that all these things shall come to pass, there will be clouds in the sky, birds in the air, Wal-Marts in more cities — and many other extremely rare and unusual occurrences.

Footnote 1: The seven-fold blessing is a joke, although cash and Starbucks cards are nice! Just kidding again.

Footnote 2: Please don’t misunderstand the intent of this satire. I’m not mocking prophecy, but the misuses of it. 1 Thessalonians 5:19-22 warns us not to mock prophecy (which is stifling the Holy Spirit), but to test all prophecies — holding onto the good ones and staying away from the bad ones, which are described as “evil.”

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King’s ‘Extremely Prophetic’ Directives for 2007

January 2, 2007

Patricia King headshot Patricia King — host of the television program “Extreme Prophetic with Patricia King” — just released her “Seven Prophetic Directives for 2007” through the Elijah List. Read the directives here. I want to point out that not one “prophecy” in the entire list predicts anything that doesn’t happen every year. So, how can King be considered a prophet?

Directive No. 1, for example, states that in 2007 God is looking for Christians who will invest their talents wisely and bear fruit for the kingdom. My response is: when isn’t God looking for this? He wants this from all Christians, in every year of church history.

Directive No. 2 predicts that there will be a lot of changes in 2007 — including political changes, people moving to new locations, getting new jobs, and switching their college majors. Again, these predictions are laughable. When don’t these things happen?

The funniest of her predictions for 2007 is that people will start finding change (coins) in unique places, like on the ground in front of them and in drawers. She says these finds will confirm her prediction of coming changes. So, now every time people find change, should they see it as a prophetic sign? King also predicts the appearances of butterflies and unusual weather patterns. Again, when don’t we see butterflies and unusual weather patterns?

Directive No. 4 predicts catastrophes and, in response to these catastrophes, Christians reaching out to the victims with compassion ministry and prayer. Again, which year hasn’t the world had catastrophes, and when haven’t Christians responded in compassion and prayer?

Directive No. 6 predicts that biblical teachings will be challenged. But some Christians will rise up to defend those teachings — facing persecution. I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but when hasn’t this happened? (Not to mention that King and her fellow “prophets” are challenging many biblical teachings with their teachings about apostles and prophets.)

These directives aren’t “extremely prophetic” — in fact, they’re not even slightly prophetic — despite the name of King’s ministry. Visit King’s Extreme Prophetic Web site here.